.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
