i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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