Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
