p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
