beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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