All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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