Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
