a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
