eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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