it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I could fuck to npr.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
