Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
