How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
