so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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