Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
