I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
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i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
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"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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