I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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