I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
how can u be prego again
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
