she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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