do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
