Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
