she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
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Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
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Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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