I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
