I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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