So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm having to shit out rocks
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
