I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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