Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
