What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
