Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
this hospital has no fireball
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
