How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
