Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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