Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
