I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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