btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
