somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
