I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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