Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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