Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
