Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
