I like to think it a success when the cops are called
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
