wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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