Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
