So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
people are starting to question the shark bite story
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
