do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
