Farmville is her only friend.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
