Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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