Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
