She is in my trunk
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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