I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
what day is it and did you see me today?
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he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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