So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
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There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize