Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
