hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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