Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
