my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
