whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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