i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ladies don't puke and tell
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
