I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
