I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
