The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
