That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Randomize
