I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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