if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so let's talk penis.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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