I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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