She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
