We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I intend to get homeless drunk
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
