im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
