my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
